Devoteeism From The Other Side: A Disabled Woman’s Perspective
I’m delighted to share with you today a post from an online friend. She is a woman with a disability and this is how she thinks about devs and devoteeism…
That’s bullshit. So why not turn this into a boy-meets-girl-story rather than a sob story?! That’s what I’d suggest.
Devoteeism & Heartbreak
On my road to recovery after a surgery I had two years ago, I became an avid reader onceÂ again in my life. I was looking for answers & things that interested me and I found a whole lotÂ of them. One book and sometimes movie led me to another one, I was (and I am still) soakingÂ up knowledge like a sponge. I have always been like that, itâs in me. I guess, Iâm just curiousÂ to find out how things work in order to understand them. Then I came across âdevoteeismâÂ once again and Ruthâs book was suggested to me on my Amazon page. Clever data-mining.
So another to-read book.
I never got whatâs wrong about finding a disability attractive. I never bought into that. I wasÂ born like that (spastic diplegia) in 1979. Thatâs just the way I am and chances are high that itÂ wonât go away as long as I am living. Humanity has one thing in common and that isÂ regardless of anything that separates us:
Everybody wants to be liked and loved for whom he or she is and not be rejectedÂ because of what he or she is not.
For me, it breaks down to that. It might be a naive take on the subject, but for me itâs thatÂ simple. I have found this article in my twitter feed some time ago and the same thing appliesÂ to disability just as well.Â http://www.huffingtonpost.com/Amelia/accept-and-tolerate-my-gay-kid-thats-not-goodenough_b_3021002.html?utm_hp_ref=tw
Any woman should at some point in her life move past the attraction to âbad boysâ andÂ move towards the reduction of the likelihood of possible rejection. This is just a normal,Â healthy way to pursue. Excluding a devotee because he is attracted to me because of aÂ physical disability is like rejecting a part of me and my identity. So why donât we just yet liveÂ in peace happily ever after?!
At this point, a bunch of negative presumptions come in to play:
a) the generic cripple
Â· A cripple is supposed to be angry and bitter over his fate
Â· A cripple is supposed to be contagious, smelly and wear sweatpants all the time
Â· A cripple is supposed to be ugly and fat because he canât move
Â· A cripple is supposed to be mentally retarded
Â· A cripple is supposed to live off social benefits and welfare
Â· A cripple is supposed to not leave the house
Â· A cripple is supposed to be sick and ill all the time
Â· A cripple is supposed to not have a life
b) the generic devotee
Â· A devotee is supposed to try to get into my pants
Â· A devotee is supposed to stalk me
Â· A devotee is supposed to sexually exploit me
Â· A devotee is supposed to see my disability only
Â· A devotee is supposed to be a perverted creep
Â· A devotee is supposed to obsess over my alleged helplessness
Â· A devotee is supposed to be a feministâs nightmare
That doesnât sound very attractive on both sides: itâs actually quite the opposite, itâs repulsive.Â Is this true or is this false? Some clichĂ©s might be true, some might be false. Some might beÂ true for one person; some might be false for another person. Some might be true at one pointÂ in a personâs life and a person might have overcome it later on.
Some might be true for people that are not even a part of either group.
Those clichĂ©s and their corresponding social group are said to be correlated; however, theyÂ may or may not be the cause of one another.Â There is no way to immediately infer the existence of a causal relationship between theÂ clichĂ©s and their corresponding social group.Â Actually, you will never know if you donât LOOK CLOSER.
People actually like to meet to find out and thatâs what dates are for.Â I have seen things and I have heard stories you couldnât possibly write up. Itâs disturbing and
it only hits me later now. I cannot just stay unaffected and watch this happen because it isÂ heartbreaking for me.
“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities;Â Truth isn’t.” – Mark Twain
It was the start of the summer and we fell in LOVE. Little did I know about his dev-ness. NotÂ even about the existence of such a thing. Maybe he didnât know either.
If I knew, it would not have mattered in the end. It would have made me LOVE him evenÂ more.Â I found out years later by coincidence on the Internet.Â I would have chosen him ALWAYS over any other guy back then. If I were able-bodied andÂ if he were disabled, it would not have mattered in the end. We would both have beenÂ different, but it would not have MATTERED. We never made it. I have seen him countlessÂ times getting heavily drunk and wasted in the years that followed.
I see devotees gather in rather obscure-sounding age-restricted Yahoo groups, I am aware ofÂ the fact of devotees spending nights over nights on the Internet and collecting tons of images and âmaterialâ. There is nothing wrong with that and there will always be porn. Everyone isÂ free to indulge in their fantasies. And I am not the one person that says it always has to beÂ acted out. However, I have seen people get depressed and feel guilty and ashamed because ofÂ their desires. Never underestimate the power of denial and self- delusion.Â This has to stop. It shatters lives, it is sad and it is heartbreaking.