This is another show I only just started watching. ¬†I’m on episode five. ¬†I watched it last night at a friend’s house and as it came time to interview a kidnap victim who had had one foot and one hand chopped off, my friend said, “Oh, you’re going to hate this next part.”

Do my friends know me or what?

He was right.  I was quite irritated when this man said that probably a woman would never even look at him again.  In support of this idea, one of the main characters buys him a hooker.

Seriously? ¬†Once he puts on the¬†prostheses¬†that the hospital was donating to him it would be hard for anyone to even notice he was missing anything. ¬†But even going beyond that, there are people with much more¬†noticeable¬†and debilitating disabilities who are¬†successful¬†daters. ¬†I know several of them. ¬†They are confident and secure and they don’t assume that they wouldn’t be¬†successful.

The fact is, I think all of us have experienced insecurity about ourselves at some point and thought “Why would anyone want me?” ¬†And you’ll blame that thought on whatever you can think of. ¬†If you have a disability it’s easy to think that’s what will prevent you from finding someone. ¬†(Not to sound vain, but) I’m beautiful and I’m able-bodied, but I still managed to find reasons why no one would want me. ¬†I’m too blunt, I read too much, I had a weird childhood, I’m too this, I’m too that. ¬†There’s always something. ¬†As stupid as these reasons sound, I really believed I was unloveable. ¬†I still have moments where I feel that way.

In dating, you’ve heard it before, confidence is key. ¬†Attitude is everything. ¬†If you believe you are a good catch, the people around you will believe it too. ¬†Everyone faces rejection. ¬†Even people who are great at dating are only¬†successful¬†with a small percentage of people, but they play the numbers game and keep trying. ¬†If they get rejected they don’t figure it’s them and give up, they keep trying.

A disability can bring unique challenges to the world of dating, but it doesn’t disqualify you!


Oh, and my friend also warned me that the show gets worse in terms of things that irritate me about the way people with disabilities are portrayed as the season goes on, so I’m guessing you’ll be hearing more from me on this one.


  1. Stephen
    Apr 20, 2011

    I’m rather a fan of Dexter. Interestingly, it’s a rare example, in my opinion, of a tv adaptation which far exceeds the qualities of it’s source material.

    As far as I remember, that particular scene was not included in the book. I think my reaction, unsurprisingly, was rather different, and I had more problems with the glamour and positivity with which prostitution was painted. Given the nature of the programme, I wasn’t surprised by how the idea of devotees was dealt with. I wonder, have you seen The Book Group? It was a (UK) channel 4 tv comedy/drama (very difficult to catagorise, frankly) written by Annie Griffin.

    I think you would find it very interesting. It has one of the best written disabled characters…ever.

    • RuthMadison
      Apr 21, 2011

      Thank you for the recommendation! I have never heard of that, I’ll definitely look it up.

      I’ve had a few people tell me that the Dexter books were not as interesting as the show. I think I’ll try to forget about this episode and keep moving forward!

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