Part 6

Part Six-How Good It Can Be

Is it possible for a paraplegic to become as obsessed with a devotee as a devotee, is, almost by definition, with a paraplegic? Michelle was in the process of answering that question for herself, in the affirmative. Ever since she had reconnected with her old flame Danny a few years after the car wreck that had left her a T-10 complete para, they had been, among many other things, exploring their sexuality and sexual responses to each other. Once everything was out in the open, it was no surprise that anything connected to Michelle’s paralysis, from how she looked and moved in her wheelchair, to her transfers, to watching her dress and undress, put Danny in a more or less constant state of arousal. That’s just how it is with devotees. But on the flip side, Michelle was surprised to find herself in a more or less constant state of arousal, too – not only over Danny’s reactions to her, but over her own body and all things connected to her paralysis. Danny was helping her feel good again about her body. He truly felt she was sexier now than she had ever been before her accident. One memorable day, when Michelle was beset with self doubt and having trouble believing Danny could possibly feel that way, he took her hands in his, smiled lovingly into her eyes and said slowly and softly, “Honey, it’s simple. To me, paralyzed equals sexy”.  Paralyzed equals sexy. She couldn’t get that phrase out of her head but was now totally convinced Danny meant it from the bottom of his heart. So, Michelle gave herself an assignment. When Danny would be away at work, or out running errands, she would often use the time to try and see her own body and disability the way Danny saw them, and to more fully analyze what it was about her paraplegia that was alluring and erotic.

The years since the accident had been tough in so many ways, that “paralyzed = sexy” was not going to be an easy equation for Michelle to grasp. Nevertheless, she was totally committed to understanding, embracing and exploiting it in her loving relationship with her precious Danny the devotee. To that end, over a period of weeks Michelle made keen observations of Danny’s devoteeism, engaged in some self-analysis, too, and divided Danny’s devotee attraction into five separate categories. It seemed to her his fetish was focused on what she labeled, The Look, The Feel, The Struggle, The Equipment, and The Story.

The Look – By the look, Michelle meant how being a paraplegic had changed the appearance of her body in ways she might not like, but that Danny genuinely found beautiful and sexy! Michelle would sit naked in her wheelchair in front of a full length mirror, trying to see herself through Danny’s eyes, not hers. Her thighs, lacking any muscle tone at all flattened out as she sat in her wheelchair, and they sagged on the way from her knees to her hips. Atrophy had downsized her calves so they resembled those of a skinny 10-year-old able-bodied girl. Michelle stared at the mirror. She could see how her now fit and muscular upper body could be a turn on for Danny, but not the rest of her. Of the five devotee categories Michelle had identified, The Look was going to be the toughest for her to comprehend.

The Feel – This was all about how Michelle’s paralysis had made her entire lower body flaccid – causing her muscles to waste away from lack of use. To Danny, the result was a degree of feminine softness he’d never experienced with an able-bodied woman. He never tired of playing with Michelle’s limp legs, caressing and seeming to genuinely admire them. Plus, there was never any shortage of evidence that Danny was turned on, not only by the feel of Michelle’s lower body, but also by her inability to feel his touches. There seemed to be something highly erotic to Danny about her lack of feeling, and she couldn’t wait to more fully explore that curious little kink in Danny devoteeism. Gazing into the mirror, Michelle took her hands and started fondling one of her breasts and one of her thighs at the same time, in the same way. Ahhhh, I’m starting to get it now, Michelle thought to herself. All men gravitate to the softness of a woman’s breasts, which are soft, in part, because they have no muscles. The paralysis has essentially left me with no muscles in my legs, just soft flesh. She kept fondling her breast and thigh and was suddenly amazed, and aroused, by how similar they felt. Paralyzed = sexy. The light was slowly dawning.

The Struggle – At first, Danny didn’t want to admit to Michelle that watching her struggle to transfer, dress or roll over in bed was a turn on for him. He’d been so ashamed and conflicted about having such feelings. I mean, what kind of man gets aroused watching the women he loves struggle? But when they agreed to be totally open with each other on all things, he fessed up. Sometimes, Danny admitted, he just wanted to watch Michelle, and get turned on at the sight of her dragging herself across the floor, losing her balance in her chair, or lugging her dead legs through a tough transfer. Danny was always willing to help in any way Michelle requested, in part because it was a huge turn on for him to be needed by his paraplegic princess. And, of course, the devotee in Danny craved any opportunity to touch or maneuver her lifeless, unfeeling lower body. Gradually, Michelle was learning how to use her struggles as a sexual weapon, often over emphasizing how hard it was to do something, and delighting in how Danny would react.

The Equipment – Before reconnecting with Danny, Michelle never imagined her wheelchair, stander or leg braces could be a turn on for a guy, but she was convinced he would be totally into watching her use them all, especially the braces. She could picture Danny finding beauty and sexual excitement in the Velcro straps and cold steel enveloping her crippled legs and holding her upright. She got a warm glow deep inside as she imagined presenting herself to Danny by walking over to him slowly, using her braces and her walker. She just knew it would drive him to the brink like nothing else when she invited him to caress her paralyzed legs through the gaps in the braces. Michelle visualized how that might set off four of his devotee triggers at once – how The Look, The Feel, The Struggle and The Equipment would all come into play, and Michelle would own Danny in wonderfully erotic ways no able-bodied woman ever could!

The Story – Danny had an unquenchable desire to have Michelle tell him stories about her paralysis. Oh, he didn’t want to hear about how she’d been hurt in the car wreck. He knew all that and didn’t want to make Michelle relive such painful memories. What he wanted were the little everyday stories on what it’s like to have your brain tell your legs to move, and nothing happens. What do your paralyzed legs feel like to you as you move them around with your hands? How strange is it not to be able to feel anything below your waist? Tell me about how hard it is to keep your balance. Etc, etc.  As was often the case with devotees, Danny had some paraplegic wannabe in him. He shared with Michelle that he wanted to be a T-10 complete para like her, at least for a long weekend, so he would truly know what she experienced. The thought excited him, but it was unrealistic, so he fueled the wannabe side of his attraction by asking Michelle to tell him her little stories about life as a paraplegic. As quirky as it seemed to her, Michelle always tried to oblige.

There they were. The five big devotee triggers, identified, categorized and at least partially explained, maybe for the first time ever! A smile of self-satisfaction and anticipation graced Michelle’s pretty face. Now it was time to drive her Danny crazy with each and every one of those triggers. She whispered, “I wonder how good it can be”. And she couldn’t wait to find out.

To be continued