Part Six-How Good It Can Be
Is it possible for aÂ paraplegicÂ to become as obsessed with a devotee as a devotee, is,Â almost by definition,Â with a paraplegic? Michelle was in the process of answering that question for herself, in the affirmative. Ever since she had reconnected with her old flame Danny a few years after the car wreck that had left her a T-10 complete para, they had been, among many other things, exploring their sexuality and sexual responses to each other. Once everything was out in the open, it was no surprise that anything connected to Michelleâ€™s paralysis, from how she looked and moved in her wheelchair, to her transfers, to watching her dress and undress, put Danny in a more or less constant stateÂ of arousal. Thatâ€™s just how it is with devotees. But on the flip side, Michelle wasÂ surprised to findÂ herself in a more or less constant state of arousal, too â€“ not only over Dannyâ€™s reactions to her, but over her own body and all things connected to her paralysis. Danny was helping her feel good again about her body. He truly felt she was sexier now than she had ever been before her accident. One memorable day, whenÂ Michelle was beset with self doubt and having trouble believing Danny could possibly feel that way, he took her hands in his, smiled lovingly into her eyes and said slowly and softly, â€śHoney, itâ€™s simple. To me, paralyzed equals sexyâ€ť.Â Paralyzed equals sexy. She couldnâ€™t get that phrase out of her headÂ but was now totally convinced Danny meant it from the bottom of his heart. So, Michelle gave herself an assignment. When Danny would be away at work, or out running errands,Â sheÂ would often use the time to try and see her own body and disabilityÂ the way Danny saw them, and to more fully analyze what it was about her paraplegia that was alluring and erotic.
The Look â€“ By the look, Michelle meant how being a paraplegic had changed the appearance of her body in ways she might not like, but that Danny genuinely found beautiful and sexy! Michelle would sit naked in her wheelchair in front of a full length mirror, trying to see herself through Dannyâ€™s eyes, not hers. Her thighs, lacking any muscle tone at all flattened out as she sat in her wheelchair, and they sagged on the way from her knees to her hips. Atrophy had downsized her calves so they resembled those of aÂ skinny 10-year-old able-bodied girl. Michelle stared at the mirror. She could see how her now fit and muscular upper body could be a turn on for Danny, but not the rest of her. Of the five devotee categories Michelle had identified, The Look was going to be the toughest for her to comprehend.
The Feel â€“ ThisÂ was all about how Michelleâ€™s paralysis had made her entire lower body flaccid â€“ causing her muscles to waste away from lack of use. To Danny, the result was a degree of feminine softnessÂ heâ€™d never experienced with an able-bodied woman. He never tired of playing with Michelleâ€™sÂ limp legs, caressingÂ and seeming to genuinely admire them. Plus, there was never any shortage of evidence that Danny was turned on, not only by the feel of Michelleâ€™s lower body, but also by her inability to feel his touches. There seemed to be something highly erotic to Danny about her lack of feeling, and she couldnâ€™t wait to more fully explore that curious little kink in Danny devoteeism. Gazing into the mirror, Michelle took her hands and started fondling one of her breasts and one of her thighs at the same time, in the same way. Ahhhh, Iâ€™m starting to get it now, Michelle thought to herself. All men gravitate to the softness of a womanâ€™s breasts, which are soft, in part, because they have no muscles. The paralysis has essentially left me with no muscles in my legs, just soft flesh. She kept fondling her breast and thigh and was suddenly amazed, and aroused, by how similar they felt. Paralyzed = sexy. The light was slowly dawning.
The Struggle –Â At first, Danny didnâ€™t want to admit to Michelle that watching her struggle to transfer, dress or roll over in bed was a turn on for him. Heâ€™d been so ashamed and conflicted about having such feelings. I mean, what kind of man gets aroused watching the women he loves struggle? But when they agreed to be totally open with each other on all things, he fessed up. Sometimes, Danny admitted,Â heÂ justÂ wanted toÂ watch Michelle, and get turned on at the sight of her dragging herself across the floor, losing her balance in her chair, or lugging her dead legs through a tough transfer. Danny was always willing to help in any way Michelle requested, in part because it was a huge turn on for him to be needed by his paraplegic princess. And, of course, the devotee in Danny craved any opportunity to touch or maneuver her lifeless, unfeelingÂ lower body. Gradually, Michelle was learning how to use her struggles as a sexual weapon, often over emphasizing how hard it was to do something, and delighting in how Danny would react.
The Equipment –Â Before reconnecting with Danny, Michelle never imagined her wheelchair, standerÂ or leg braces could be a turn on for a guy, but she was convinced he would be totally into watchingÂ her use them all, especiallyÂ the braces. She could pictureÂ Danny finding beauty and sexual excitement inÂ the Velcro straps and cold steel enveloping her crippled legs and holding her upright. She got a warm glow deep inside as she imagined presenting herself to Danny by walking over to him slowly, using her braces and her walker. She just knewÂ it would driveÂ him to the brink like nothing else when she invited him to caress her paralyzed legs through the gaps in the braces. MichelleÂ visualizedÂ how that might set off four of his devotee triggers at once â€“ how The Look, The Feel, The Struggle andÂ The EquipmentÂ would all come into play, and Michelle would own Danny in wonderfully eroticÂ ways no able-bodied woman ever could!
The Story –Â Danny had an unquenchable desire to have Michelle tell him stories about her paralysis. Oh, he didnâ€™t want to hear about how sheâ€™d been hurt in the car wreck. He knew all that and didnâ€™t want to make MichelleÂ relive such painful memories. What he wanted were the little everyday stories on what itâ€™s like to have your brain tell your legs to move, and nothing happens. What do your paralyzed legs feel like to you as you move them around with your hands? How strange is it not to be able to feel anything below your waist? Tell me about how hard it is to keep your balance. Etc, etc.Â As was often the case with devotees, Danny had some paraplegic wannabe in him. He shared with Michelle that heÂ wanted to be a T-10 complete para like her, at least for a long weekend, so he would truly know what she experienced. The thought excited him, but it was unrealistic, so he fueled the wannabe side of his attraction by asking Michelle to tell him her little stories about life as a paraplegic. As quirky as it seemed to her, Michelle always tried to oblige.
There they were. The five big devotee triggers, identified, categorized and at least partially explained, maybe for the first time ever! A smile of self-satisfaction and anticipationÂ graced Michelleâ€™s pretty face. Now it was time to drive her Danny crazy with each and every one of those triggers.Â SheÂ whispered, â€śI wonder how good it can beâ€ť. And she couldnâ€™t wait to find out.